I will not fall in love
by lollipop1141
Summary: 'You are my bestfriend and I love you. Nothing in this world can make me truly deny that...' A Heizuha fanfic dedicated to Anaise Von Claire and GLEE star, Cory Monteith...


**This fanfic is dedicated to Anaise Von Claire… Sorry if I haven't reviewed your stories(stupid phone) although I secretly read them at night...What I can say is that they are really and truly amazingly written!**

**I wrote this fanfic partly after reading your story and I became inspired and the other reason is because of the death of one of the best actors, Cory Monteith, who was also Finn Hudson in GLEE…it will never be the same without him…And Lea was looking forward to their wedding that was going to be held in two weeks…**

**Rest in Peace, Cory Monteith…**

**Read this story with a sad song…**

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I will not fall in love.

That simple sentence was what a 7-year-old Kazuha promised herself as she prepared for her first day of her school. Her bestfriend, Heiji knocked on her house's door and they walked to school together. Later on, Kazuha would say that it was the starting point of everything. The early spring's leaves fluttered around, the wind whistling as they walked up to their school. No talk was necessary for silence was enough between them, although they would always often bicker.

Months passed and Kazuha had a strange feeling in her chest whenever she looked at her childhood friend. First, she thought it was just a simple cold. But that feeling kept on growing until she couldn't ignore it anymore. She asked her dad what it meant but they shook their head, saying that it was normal and that she shouldn't get worried over it. It was natural.

But it wasn't and it wouldn't go away. It was bothering her, so she locked it away.

I will not fall in love.

=.=

Months turned to years and before long, they were already second years in high school. Kazuha had forgotten about that little feeling that she had locked away ten years ago until one day, it emerged out slowly. When Heiji got himself shot, the feeling grew intense as thoughts of her life without Heiji ran rapidly through her head.

The day they were hanging off a cliff, that feeling started to make itself known, but Kazuha still couldn't understand what it was. Kazuha looked up towards her childhood friend and thought to herself, _I may not be able to live with Heiji any longer than this, but he can do it. He can live without me._

Although it pained her, she knew she couldn't bear for Heiji to die for her sake. So she stabbed his hand with the arrow. But he didn't let go. He pulled them up to safety. He didn't let her fall. But she still fell. She fell into the arms of **love.**

And yet, despite of that, she said to herself, I will not fall in love.

=.=

High school graduation turned into college graduation and before she knew it, she was now working as a teacher in their old elementary school while Heiji became a world-known detective with Kudo Shinichi. In her own house, she would sometimes look longingly at her and Heiji's picture and think of the certain possibilities. But she knew it wouldn't and couldn't happen. Heiji was too much of an ahou.

She didn't know why she kept telling herself that she wouldn't fall in love. Maybe it was when Heiji told her about his first love and that she realized that it wasn't her. But she knew that it was farther back than that.

Long time ago, she was four and she was sitting on her mother's lap. Her mother was telling her tales about how she fell in love with her father. But her voice wasn't filled with love. Instead it was filled with regret and disappointment. She remembered what her mother said that night.

"I tell you this Kazuha; don't fall in love without looking before you leap. You might not understand what I'm saying now, but later on, you will. But for now, you should not fall in love. It will only lead to sadness."

The next day, her parents signed divorced papers and the next thing she knew, her mother had left the house, never to return again. Kazuha blamed her dad, she blamed herself, and most of all she blamed the cursed word: LOVE.

But Kazuha **did** fall in love and what her mother said rang true. It was bitter and heart-wrenching.

She had fallen in love with an ahou named Hattori Heiji.

But she knew that not everyone could get a fairy tale. Maybe she was too naïve but before she realized it, it was already too late. Heiji had found someone else that could make him smile and not someone who made his ears bleed. Kazuha laughed sadly to herself.

There was no point any longer. She had tried to confess, but he had run away before she could say them to him face to face. And so after graduation, she ran away. She ran away from him, ran away from all those chances, and lastly, she ran away from herself.

She finally knew what that feeling was but once again, with tears falling down her cheeks as she watched the wedding procession of her bestfriend, she locked that feeling away deep down inside, never to open any longer.

There was no point.

I will not fall in love.

=.=

It was all over the news. Two months had gone by and Heiji had divorced with his wife. He and Kazuha had not been in touch for a long time. And so he decided to call her but then he learned the truth.

Two months ago, someone had died. She had died from a broken heart.

=.=

Heiji walked around her old room, running his hand on top of her study desk, now coated with dust. The air smelled stale but he knew this scent well. Vanilla.

He sat down on the edge of her bed, his hands on his face, cursing himself. But then he spotted a piece of paper sticking out of her desk drawer. He walked over and opened it. There, he saw a worn omamori and a folded letter written for him. He opened it.

_Dear Heiji,_

_If you're reading this now, that means that I've already gone to the other side. I always thought we would always be together. You're such an ahou for not realizing it and I'm an ahou for not telling you._

_I love you._

_I loved you from the first day I met you and even now, as I am writing this letter, I still have feelings for you. Every single day, I kept thinking about telling it to you face-to-face, but with you always attracting dead bodies everywhere, I always had to put it off. I guess it's too late now, huh. But I don't blame you. It's not your fault._

_IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT._

_Always remember that I am and will always be here beside you. You're my bestfriend and I love you. Nothing in this world can make me truly deny that. I realized that falling in love was painful and I knew sooner or later, this would happen. I always knew that we could never truly be._

_I will never fall in love._

_But I did._

_I fell in love with you._

_Sayonara…_

_-Kazuha-_

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**This is my first time writing this genre and let me tell you, it was really really sad…The thing is, I listen to songs that would relate to the story the most. Next thing I knew, I couldn't write any more but finally I finished this. I hoped you like this!**

**Also, this is directed to the person I like (although no way am I gonna die over him!). I liked him but he didn't like me back (I won't tell you how I knew. I just did.)… -.- when I think about it now, I face-palm myself. WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT!?**

**But idiots fall in love too, I guess.**

**ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed (?) this and I hope you'll review this little story of mine! Thanks for reading!**

***crowd claps, leaves stage***


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